One thing I’ve really strived for this year is to have more self-love and acceptance of myself. And I genuinely believe that it is something I’ve made great progress on this year. I feel more than ever, more than at any weight I’ve ever been at, that I am accepting of me and my body.
On the same note, the way I communicate about my body is changing. In the past, my self-deprecating humor overwhelmed much of my comedic qualities. These days I make comments about my body, but they are not ones of hate or ridicule. Rather, they may realistically portray or note my size, weight, or curves, but there isn’t any self-ridicule in my tone.
On the other hand, the way these messages are sometimes received bothers me. Many of my friends and loved ones still perceive these comments as self-hate remarks. When I know, for a fact, that they are not. Rather, they are comments of self-acceptance and acknowledgment. Why is it that a woman of larger size is not “allowed” to comment about herself without it being perceived as self-hate? Why is it that people as a whole can only perceive someone hating themselves rather than accepting themselves and loving themselves for who they are?
Comparing myself to an hour glass instead of a pencil is not self-hate. Did I say I was unhappy with that? Did I note that the shape of an hourglass is gross? No? Then don’t perceive me as feeling that way. I may take note on my size and shape at times, but it sure as shit doesn’t automatically mean that I am at war with my shape and size. Noting that I enjoy cheese and wine doesn’t mean that I hate myself for that, if I did, I would change that about me. Noting that I’ve put on weight doesn’t mean I hate myself for that, if I did, I would change that about myself. I am capable of it and have done so successfully in the past. Just because you might not care that you’ve put on weight, or aren’t proud of your indulgences, or the shape of your body doesn’t mean that when I comment on those things that I feel the same way about it. If I did so, I would explicitly say so.
Have any of you also experienced this or felt this way as well? I’m curious about your perceptions on this topic.